seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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