You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My life is pants optional.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
