Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
