youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
