Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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