I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
