Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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