Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
