good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
