wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
