I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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