I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
