Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
