Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
