is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
