He had one of those small greek statue penises
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
