i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
