theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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