He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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