Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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