My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
