NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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