im about as happy as oj after his trial
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize