Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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