reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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