careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
