I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
