took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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