I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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