If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
