Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize