watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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