do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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