I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize