i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
