The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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