it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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