Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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