Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
