4 words: hood of his car
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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