My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
