That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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