Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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