P.S. I can't hear my feet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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