My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
