I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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