I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
