i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
