if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
