dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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