Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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