don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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