shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
