I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize