Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
