Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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