my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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