my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
