Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
