Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
