Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
