I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
