apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
