How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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