he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
