Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
