I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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