I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize