Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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