your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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