Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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