She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
