Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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