if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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