Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We named our party play list daddy issues
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
