So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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