So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want nice things and good sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
